When you meet new people you usually hear and also ask those basic questions like: “What’s your name?”, “How old are you?”, “Where are you from?”, “Are you single/taken?”, etc. The thing with the last one is that if you answer that you’re in a relationship no one questions it. It’s absolutely normal to be in relationship. Another normal and natural thing is being single, but what I’ve realised is that there’s not as many people as I thought out there who think that way.
The above question has been haunting me lately. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been asked about it. I’m happy though, because it made me want to share my thoughts on it. I’ve noticed that many people struggle with “single” relationship status and well… I used to be one of those people, so I believe sharing my experience can help others embrace it.
When I was in my teenage years: secondary school and high school I always wanted to find a boyfriend. I was super jealous when I saw couples holding hands, cuddling and kissing. I think I was pretty desperate, I thought that if I can’t find one there must be something wrong with me. I was pretty shy kid. If I managed to talk to a guy I liked or even go out with someone I was paralysed by the thought of him judging me , thinking I’m weird or not beautiful enough. That’s how I got to my 18th birthday without any relationship history. If I could travel in time and meet myself from that time, I’d say: “Girl pull your shi* together, you’re beautiful and strong! Love yourself and the right one will come when time is right.” … of course it’s not the way life is and I learned these things through many mistakes and liking/loving people who were not right for me.
What do I answer to “Why are you single?”?
I haven’t found the right one yet. I’m happy on my own, I know my worth and I love myself enough to wait for someone who’s right for me. I’m definitely not the kind of person who will say: “I don’t want anyone and I don’t need anyone at all!”, but I definitely don’t need anyone to make me happy. I believe that being with someone can not be the only source of my happiness. Happiness is something I should find within myself and then the right relationship will be like an upgrade to it.
• On a less serious note: I know that back in old days not being married and not having at least one kid at age of 24 I’d be considered as weird and bitter old woman who can not be loved or something like that… thank God it’s 21st century. 🙏😅 •
To all people who haven’t found their way yet:
Learn to love yourself. If you don’t know how to do it watch some videos, read books about self improvement, find people to talk to about it, maybe they have tips and stories that will help you beyond your expectations. Most of all be patient with yourself, because nothing happens overnight. I believe that when you finally master being happy on your own and actually embrace it, it’s easier to notice and let go of what and who is wrong for you in order to make space for the right things and people that will come at the right time.
I saw something on Instagram earlier today. I can’t quote it, but it said something like: “So many of us will settle and surrender long before we meet the one we’re meant to love.” and I thought to myself that it’s so true and sad at the same time. There’s too many people who are so scared of being alone , they settle for first seemingly good thing that comes into their life. Sometimes it works out and it is actually IT for them for the rest of the life, but in most cases it’s not the way even if everything looks great from the outside.
If you’re not happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship. Happiness comes from within, not from someone else.
Being single means you’re strong enough to wait for what you deserve.
Ten years from now make sure you say you chose your life, not settled for it.