If you could turn back time… would you?

Most of us have wished for a time machine at the very least – once in our life. We get a bit older, we learn some more every day so we’re convinced we could do things differently… maybe better. And maybe it’s true. Maybe if we could go back with the knowledge we have now we wouldn’t do the same mistakes again and maybe our present lives would be perfect. Well… it’s all one big “MAYBE”.

There’s this beautiful film with Rachel McAdams “About Time”. I don’t remember the whole plot of it, but there’s one scene I memorised very clearly. The main character has an amazing family – beautiful wife he loves beyond everything and a child. He goes back in time to do something about his sister (I think) and after he does “the right thing to do” as he thought it should be, he comes back to the present. He has the same wife, but the child is different and he’s in shock and panic. Of course, he wants his child back, because he doesn’t know this one. He has to go back again and do things exactly as he did the first time. The lesson is simple. We might not have everything we want right now, I don’t think we can ever have everything right at the same time, but if we notice good things we do have, we stop regretting and wanting to change the past. We start to see the point of it all. We see that so called “mistakes” served their purpose.

I found this quote not long ago and I found it funny and very relatable:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

We’re humans. We can’t always do everything right. Even with all knowledge we’ve gained so far. Sometimes we remember lessons and do listen to our mind, but also sometimes we are lead by emotions. And I think it’s ok. Before I decided to step into positive mindset (Yes! It was a decision.) I was always focused on negative parts of my life and everything I wanted and not yet had. I’d emotionally beat myself up for all the wrong things I’ve done and when I think about this now I hated myself in a way. And back then I always wished I could turn back time and do every single thing differently. The way I look at this now: it is what it is. I’m constantly on the journey to where and who I want to be. I embrace the present. I have bad days and sometimes I focus on things that don’t deserve my attention, but whenever I notice myself heading towards negative thinking and beating myself up… I take a step back, deep breath and remind myself of all the good things I have in my life. And you know what ? It feels like freedom to me. It’s like a definition of being free, something I had longed for for a very long time and I feel content and lucky. Because to find a freedom like that to just be a “human” in every single meaning of it is a very happy “place” to be in.

Freedom is what you do with what happened to you.

We can let our past define us and be stuck in this crazy limbo of “what if” or we can learn from it, make use out of it and move on with our lives. I definitely messed up my education in the past and I didn’t always choose right relationships and friendships for myself. It did have big impact on my life, but… if you ask me now: “Do you regret anything that happened to you or anything you did to yourself?” I will answer – “No!”. It wasn’t always pretty and colourful but I have found myself through all that and I’m grateful.

Life is so beautiful and life is so hard {…} I am learning to live and to love without counting the cost, without reasons and reassurances that nothing will be lost. Life will break your heart and life may take everything you have and everything you hope for, but there is one kind of prosperity gospel I believe in. I believe that even in the darkness, even there. There will be beauty and there will be love and every now and then it will feel like more than enough.

From Ted Talk: “Everything happens for a reason and other lies I’ve loved” by Kate Bowler