Expressing myself.

We’re fourteen days into 2020 and I couldn’t be happier to spend this time with my family in Poland after the longest time apart ever. Today I woke up to another peaceful, beautiful and cold morning. Perfect start of the weekday. Isn’t it?

When I’m on holiday I’m resting from work and everyday struggles. It’s also the perfect time to reset my mind and remind myself about things I want to work on and self improvement. Checking my email and social media is something I intend to remove from my morning routine as I’m aware it’s not a healthy practice. It never makes me feel good, especially if it’s the first thing I do after waking up. However we all know that there’s an exception to everything. So yesterday morning was the first time I actually felt ok with doing so. Why? Well, because there was an email that slightly inspired me to write.

So the email went like that:

“Do you not wish you could be Instagram cool?
Ever wondered how to be an Instagram Influencer?
I want you to imagine that it’s Friday and you have just woken up from a sound summer-time nap.
Roll over, check your cellphone. 
Navigate your way to Instagram. 
Youare surprised at what is waiting for you: Over 832 likes on a single one of your pictures! There, you see a flurry of likes on your pictures–over 738 on a single photo alone.
You rise out of the bed, meander to the kitchen. You want a drink, so you place the kettle on for some coffee, and check Instagram again.
Bam! Another 87 likes.….”

… and blah blah blah. I thought to myself: “Are you bloody serious?!” and “How freaking shallow is that?!”.

While you’re reading this you might be surprised and ask yourself why would I react in this way. I write this blog and create content on my Instagram, so it’s sure I want lots of likes and followers. That’s right. Of course I do. Just the thing is that my perception about it has changed since I started. I have changed. Back then the thoughts in my head were more focused on what would people want to see me like. Back then I would probably be quite excited about receiving the email from someone advertising the ways to get more traffic on my social media. I was never shallow back then, but I completely missed the point and I gave wrong answers to these questions:

“Why do I do it?”

“How do I want this to look like?

“What do I want to achieve?

… and many more.

The truth is, that all my life since I was a little kid I was trying to express myself in many ways. I was about 5 or 6 when I started to pick my outfits. I used to take hours to make sure that the picture given to me by a teacher as a homework was coloured perfectly ( that was pretty extreme, I know, bless my mum and her patience.). I read hundreds of books and tried to find myself or something I could relate to in those stories. I wrote beautiful essays in secondary school. I danced in a group for ten years, cried from happiness when we won a prize and cried from sadness when we lost at the competition and was terrified but at the same time happier than ever when we performed in front of the whole town at our local festival. When I turned thirteen I cut my hair short for the first time and since then I’ve changed my hair so many times I can’t even count it and last year I broke my own record and it was also the form of expressing myself.

I could go on like that forever, but this reading would never end. The important fact is that last year was the time of many changes – small and huge ones. It was the year that I reached the level of self awareness that I lacked back in 2017 when I started this. Last year it actually hit me why I want to do what I do and also how I want this to look like. There’s still many answers to come, but knowing the answer to this “Why?” is the key for me.

So here it is:

• Why do I do it?

I want to express myself. I want to be authentic. I pretended and hid parts of me for a long time that I was ashamed of. The best thing I’ve realised is that shame is a poison that stops us from being our true selves. Showing my style and sharing my thoughts publicly freed me from it.

• How do I want this to look like?

Visual part of this blog and my Instagram will always be mostly about fashion. On the blog you can also see some of my photography from time to time. In my insta stories you’ll see variety of things. My personal style, second hand finds, captured moments from my daily life, my favourite quotes that inspire me, affirmations that help keeping positive mindset… in a nutshell: everything that I am and everything that inspires me. Writing comes from the heart so you’ll find stories about anything that triggers me: everyday joy and struggle, people around me, anything I’m passionate about, travels… in general – life described from my own perspective.

• What do I want to achieve?

To make an income while making an impact. So here we’re going back to the email that got me slightly annoyed. It only got me feeling the way I did because it was written as if likes where all that matters. I will never say no to more likes or followers as (lets be honest) it’s the only way to get to the point where I could do all this full time and hopefully make a living from it. I don’t have any intention of pretending like I don’t want that. But in all this I always want to stay the authentic me and attract the right people. Because with the right people reading and watching me I can make a real impact. And this is what matters to me the most.

IG: @vintageshadeson

FB: Vintage Shades On

Once you can express yourself, you can tell the world what you want from it. All the changes in the world, for good or evil, were first brought about by words.

Style is a way of saying who you are without having to speak.

Phot. Paulina Bukowczan